30 YEARS AGO...

tonight at 7 p.m. I was married to my husband, Jim! What an amazing time it has been. We were talking about how the time has that unique quality of "forever" and only a couple of years. I believe it may be the phenomenon of long-term relationships. Whatever it is, it is hard to believe all of the things that have happened over the years.

We started our lives with four daughters between us. Those four daughters have brought 11 grandchildren into our lives--NINE boys and two girls. I always say God has a sense of humor (in giving me so many grandsons), but it's much more than humor he has given me. One of the grandsons brought a great-granddaughter into our lives just over two years ago. We added to our own, by participating in student exchanges, four more young women whom we claim as daughters. Masha came to us at 15 as an exchange student from Russia. How I cried and grieved when I sent Masha home, thinking I might never see her again. Masha returned when she was 17 to live with us and go to college. She married, became an American citizen, and gave us two more grandchildren to share with her real parents--one boy, one girl. Next came Fernanda--our first Brazilian "daughter"--we have visited her twice and she will soon be married and have a son. Fernanda was followed by Flavia, another Brazilian, who is now married and has a baby girl. That brings the total grandchildren to 14 -1/2!

You may have noticed that I didn't tell you about a fourth girl. Her name is Carin and she came to live with us a few months after Masha came. She is from the Netherlands. We have lost touch with her, but one of my goals for 2009 is to see if I can reestablish communications with her. She was a delightful addition to our home and we miss hearing from and about her.

Of course, with additions to a family, there are always some losses. The losses were too soon, but then, that's the way it always feels. Jim's father passed away just after our second anniversary. My mother and step-father passed away just before we celebrated our tenth anniversary. My brother was gone just after we celebrated thirteen years of marriage. In the last year, we have been dealing with Jim's mother and her declining health, both physical and mental. It has brought some different perspectives to loss as we watch her slowly change. She will be 87 in January.

I believe marriage is defined by how you manage both the joys and sorrows of life. It is easy to handle the joy, but it takes great compassion and understanding to walk together through the tough times. I don't see us as unique or especially gifted, but I do see us as staying committed to one another through the highs and the lows.

We are truly blessed. And I am hopeful to see many more years ahead of us.